Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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