i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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