All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
