dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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