Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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