this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
