On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
