member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
