She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
