Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
third nipple confirmed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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