i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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