chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Life is so much better after having sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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