There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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