don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
