HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
