I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
