why didn't you poke me back
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
