i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
