so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
