Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
