Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
