his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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