were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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