So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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