wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
