I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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