We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
