last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
