Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
