I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
