Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
