She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
