I think im going to throw up on grandma
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
