i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
