Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
