Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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