This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
