Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
