I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
