DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
