Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
