and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
