im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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