Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
