Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
