I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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