Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
