You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
