Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
