JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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