I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
