This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
