we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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